What do we want for the young people in our lives? If we had to choose just three things, most of us would probably say we want them to be happy, confident, and able to face life’s challenges. But how do we help them to manage things like anxiety, low-level depression, or just the inevitable ups and downs of growing up? One of the key things is developing their resilience.
Resilience is the foundation for mental wellbeing; it’s the ability to pick yourself up and dust yourself off, to keep going even when things are tough, and to find that spark inside of you that lets you face your fears and conquer your challenges head on. In my time at the National Counselling & Psychotherapy Society (NCPS), I’ve spoken to many counsellors who work with children and young people, and the message is pretty much always the same: young people can do almost anything they want to when they’re feeling resilient. Their time in the therapy room isn’t just helping them cope with whatever issues they’re bringing with them that day; it’s about preparing them for the challenges they’ll face tomorrow, or the next day, and to do so in a way that feels right for them.
As adults, we all know that life is unpredictable. We see that children and young people today are facing inordinate amounts of pressure from all sides – social media, school expectations, peer relationships, and so on. It’s a lot to manage, and without the right tools, it can (and does!) easily become overwhelming. Resilience helps them put things into perspective, to realise that a bad day is just that – a day, not a defining moment of their lives.
Take, for example, a child who’s struggling with anxiety over exams. Without resilience, their fear of failing might stop them from even trying, or they “crumble” under the pressure and seek out destructive coping mechanisms such as self-harm, drugs and alcohol, or problematic eating. But with resilience, they can learn to view exams as a challenge, not a threat, and approach them with a mindset that even if things don’t go perfectly, they can learn and improve. It changes everything.
Counselling, as a relational intervention, plays a huge role here. It’s not just about ‘talking through’ problems; it’s about building trust, warmth, and empathy – a therapeutic relationship, or alliance. Having a trusted adult to confide in – a person who isn’t a parent, teacher, or peer – gives children and young people a safe space to express their worries without judgment. It gives them a safe space to share their worries, or things they’re not proud of, and that unconditional positive regard and empathy from their counsellor shows them that they can still be accepted and cared for even if they’re not perfect. In my time at the Society, I’ve heard countless stories from counsellors about how transformative this relationship can be, and how important it is that children can learn to build positive, healthy relationships based on trust and empathy.
A child who has experienced the warmth and trust of a positive therapeutic relationship can apply that to their interactions with family, friends, and peers; it doesn’t just stop in the therapy room. They develop a kind of emotional map – learning how to navigate conflict, express emotions constructively, and lean on others when needed. These are skills that last a lifetime.
It’s not just me saying it – there’s evidence to back this up. Studies like the ETHOS study (Evaluation and Effectiveness of School-Based Counselling) show how valuable school-based counselling can be. The ETHOS study found that children and young people who received school counselling showed significant improvements in their wellbeing and a reduction in symptoms of anxiety and depression. If we want to give children the best chance of thriving, we need to invest in services that support their mental health and emotional resilience.
So how do we, as adults, help foster resilience in the next generation? First, by recognising that it’s something that can be taught and developed. It’s not an innate trait, like being tall or having green eyes. Resilience can grow, but only with the right support. That’s where interventions like counselling come in. By giving children the space to talk, to reflect, to be heard – to just be, as they are, in all their unique wonderfulness, we’re helping them build the foundations of resilience that will carry them through their lives; and what better thing can we offer them than that?
Resilience is one of the most valuable tools a person can have in life, and when we invest in developing it in children and young people, we’re not just helping them cope with today’s challenges: we’re giving them the confidence to face tomorrow’s, too.